Don't be a Slave

"Stop giving an F." I've been seeing books with titles like this for a while now, but I hadn’t given it much thought. Instead, I used to tell myself, "I don’t care what other people think." It's a conscious reaction. We all think, "I don't care." But then, we contradict ourselves on a daily basis. How many times have we not done something we wanted to do because of fear of what someone might think?

Back in college, I was quite the prolific artist. My portfolio was bursting with artwork, and I wanted to major in Fine Art. I applied to the School of Art at the University of Washington. Got an appointment for a portfolio review with the admission officer. She looked over my work and kept calling it "prolific" and "interesting." Before I knew it, I was accepted into the school. I don’t know how hard it was to get in—probably not like Julliard or anything. I mean, it was the School of Art at the University of Washington in 1987. How exclusive could it really be?

Maybe if it felt more exclusive, I would’ve felt more worthy of being there. But after my first two quarters, I switched my major to Art History. Why? Because I was worried about what other people thought of my art. I was constantly comparing myself to others, seeing who was better and who was about the same as me. I could feel the glances from other students and the teachers' "constructive" criticism. I would second-guess myself, criticize my work, and constantly feel dissatisfied. My drawings never looked like the masterpieces in my mind. I couldn’t handle it, and I was frustrated.

Around that time, I had a friend who was a successful artist in Seattle. He took an interest in my art and me. I couldn't tell if he liked my work or just liked me. I had a hard time accepting his support, but he always told me, "Don't be a slave." I didn’t know what that meant back then. "Don't be a slave"? What was I, Spartacus?

Over the years, the meaning of "don't be a slave" evolved for me. First, it was "Don't be a slave to corporate America and work my life away." Then it became "Don't be a slave to doing things I don’t love." "Don't be a slave" to not following my passion. "Don't be a slave" to money and wanting more material things. Without thinking about it, I ended up working in the corporate world, making quite a bit of money. I spent 10-15 hours a day working and knew I was a slave to the money I needed. I was trading my life for it.

Epictetus says in Discourses, "The unrestricted person, who has in hand what they will in all events, is free. But anyone who can be restricted, coerced, or pushed into something against their will is a slave." Rather than pursuing a career in the arts, I pursued a corporate career. I made a lot of money, but at the cost of my freedom. In retrospect, I may have been a slave to money, but what I was really a slave to was "What would others think?"

If I wasn’t a slave to other people's opinions, I would have stayed a Fine Art Major. Good or bad, it didn’t matter.

The concept "don't be a slave" has a new meaning to me now. It means don't "give a f*ck" about what other people think. There are always going to be haters and naysayers. "Don't be a slave" to what others think and place the highest value on your own opinions.

"I'm constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than our own estimation of self." – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 12.4

"I'm constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than our own estimation of self" 

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 12.4