Steadiness Comes From Within

Epictetus in Discourses says that if we focus on external factors to make us steady and bring us peace, we are setting ourselves up for some twisted and bad turns.

"The essence of good is a certain kind of reasoned choice; it is judgment about the material that makes our choices good. But if those judgments are twisted, our choices turn bad."

How often do we say, "When the dust settles, everything will be OK"? What Epictetus argues is that instead of expecting the external factors and environment or what is happening around you to "settle," find peace in steadiness in our judgment of those things. Peace should come from within; otherwise, our judgments are twisted, and we can make bad choices.

As a single working mother, my life felt like a rollercoaster—scratch that, it was like a rollercoaster made by a sugar-fueled mad scientist. My son hadn't been diagnosed yet with ADHD and Autism, though I had him tested and went to many different doctors trying to figure out why he was impulsive and had meltdowns. The poor kid was getting in trouble with the teachers every day, mostly because the teachers twisted everything he did. One day, they called me at work, telling me he was walking down the hall chiseling a "spear" with a "sword." When I got to the school, I found it was a small twig he found on the playground and a child's safety scissor. How that was a "sword" and a "spear," I don't know—that was a huge exaggeration! Nonetheless, I was frazzled and stressed—it was a constant disruption for me to leave work, pick him up, or have an impromptu conversation with the principal.

In addition to that, I had a challenging corporate job. I was grateful for the well-paying professional position with a large company and great benefits, but it all came with a price of stress every day. My life felt out of control—I was on a mammoth rollercoaster going 200 MPH every day and no way off. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

If I knew about Epictetus, it would have helped me put everything in perspective—I didn't have to be explosive, I didn't have to be anxious about work and angry at my poor child. I paid a huge price with my health, my son's childhood memories, and I'm sure I would have been more successful in my career if I had just stepped back, found peace in my mind, let go of what I could not control, and took a new perspective on what was happening around me. I could have found steadiness rather than chaos.

I expect that is what people who have difficult jobs also do. How can someone who faces chaos every day handle the stress? The ones who do, I bet, have found some form of Epictetus philosophy that guides them every day.

So, next time you find yourself at the mercy of chaos, remember this ancient wisdom: It's not the world that's causing the storm, it's your interpretation of it. Channel your inner Zen master, let go of what you can't control, and laugh at the absurdity of it all. After all, peace comes from within—even if you're on a rollercoaster!