Good Thing-Bad Thing

"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go"  

Rumi

Bad and Good only exist in our mind

Ever had one of those days where you feel like you're stuck in a live version of a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, but all the choices lead to "bad"? Today, try this: when you encounter something you want to label as "bad," stop, take a breath, and ask yourself what you can control in that moment. You might find that you can tell yourself a different, more hilarious story.

Imagine someone cuts you off in traffic. Your initial reaction could be to think, "What a jerk!" and then proceed to audition for the role of Angry Commuter #1. But does it really matter? Are you getting to your destination any faster? Is it improving your day at all?

Why do we let others dictate how we feel from moment to moment? The only thing we can control is ourselves. Instead, you can choose to let it pass like a dark cloud drifting by. Maybe even send the person a blessing: "May they get to their destination without any more incidents." You’ll still get where you’re going, but you might feel a whole lot calmer when you get there.

Whether something is good or bad only exists in our mind. Our mind labels these things and then spins tales about why something is good or bad. Our mind is like an unruly toddler—it needs some discipline, teaching, and guidance.

This is not a new concept. It’s been around for millennia. There’s an ancient Chinese proverb called "Good Thing, Bad Thing," and both Taoism and Stoic philosophers talk about how things are labeled good or bad based on our perception.

We don't really know if something is good or bad. Something that seems like a terrible misfortune one day could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Take my personal life, for instance. I spent over nine years working for a large tech company. In my last few years there, I desperately wanted to leave, but I didn't have the courage to quit. I even tried playing the lottery and fantasized about marrying rich! Spoiler alert: neither plan worked.

Then, the company announced layoffs. Not surprisingly, I was on the chopping block. HR called me into a meeting and handed me a packet saying I was being laid off and presented me with a severance package.

Severance package? I hadn’t even thought about that! What seemed like a really dark and scary day suddenly became one of the best days of my life. Although getting laid off wasn’t how I envisioned my exit, it came with a huge benefit. I used the severance to pay off my house, take some time off, and find a much better job.

What I spent months fearing turned out to be a blessing.

However, sometimes things happen in life that are very difficult to reconcile. This past year, my grandnephew died at the age of three. It was devastating for our family. We wanted to mourn the loss and couldn’t see any light. This isn’t comparable to losing a job or someone cutting you off in traffic. Death is permanent, and the death of a young soul feels infinitely more tragic. Trying to see any good in this is nearly impossible.

At times like these, the best we can do is to see life like a cloud—it is here, it lights us up, and then it passes. We must stay focused on the blue sky, which is the only constant. I love the Buddhist perspective that the mind is the sky, and all events are clouds. Focus on the sky and let the clouds drift by. Look at things as they are. The only thing you can control is the story you tell yourself—your narrative and your next actions.

When something happens now, I stop, observe it for what it is, and let it be a cloud in the sky while I stay focused on the blue sky. Or I picture a river, with all the events in my life being leaves floating by. I don’t get angry at the leaves; they’re not hurting me—they’re just being leaves in the river. I let them float by without judgment or opinion while the river remains.

"Seek not that the things which happen should happen as you wish; but wish the things which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life."

— Epictetus

Good Thing- Bad Thing- It is only in your mind.